Stripes are Made for Disappearing
by XxHeartlessKissxX
Summary: "I've always been the background, the thing that everyone sees but no one really pays any attention. I guess that's probably why I wear the stripes, you know?" MelloXMatt Vague MelloXNear AU


**Disclaimer: ** I do not own Death Note

**A/N:** I am so uninspired to write. I'm going to try and crank out some viable stuff for once here. I apologize to all those reading my multi-chapter fics. I've decided that What a Horrible Night to Have a Curse is the only thing going to be updated until it's finished and then I'll work on Aphrodite's Garden and go from there. Please, Please, Please bear with me.

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><p><em><strong>Stripes are made for Disappearing <strong>_

I've always been the background, the thing that everyone sees but no one really pays any attention. I guess that's probably why I wear the stripes, you know? With Mello claiming black as his, glorious and darkly beautiful as he made it, and Near being the pure emotionless white in my world, it only seemed right that I should mix them.

Mello always saw me, from the moment I first was carried through the big doors when we were tiny children, his eyes locked on mine while everyone else just glanced. Near sees everything, there is no background in his world, only the foreground, some people a bit brighter than others, he used to say that Mello was a brilliant star and I was like a little planet, orbiting and just a bit brighter than everyone but my star. I used to look at them, really look, and I could see them too, just how they always saw me and together we were okay, together we didn't lose it because they were the black and white and I was the grey.

I can't stand to look now, because I can _hear _them well enough and I wonder how long I've been invisible to them too.

I inhale the smoke slowly, breath it out the same way, and Mello's moaning for _more _and for _Nate. _I thought that there wasn't anything anyone could do that would make me hate them, but this might be enough, I would forgive them maybe, if I would've found out just yesterday. Because this morning I told Near something and he threw my trust in my face, spit it back at me and laughed, that's how I know he doesn't see me anymore.

Mello moans louder and I bring my hand up and bite my palm until I bleed because I don't want to scream.

I finally can't take anymore and I run, far and fast as I can manage, not stopping until my heartbeat has overtaken the sounds of my panic breathing and I can taste blood, there's spots in my vision and my body feels like fire.

"M-m-mello!" I gasp, feeling a different sort of pain exploding in my chest, I curl into myself as my vision flickers, maybe I shouldn't smoke so much.

The rain is what wakes me and I smile into it bitterly, because it's a metaphor for me to, falling fast and finding that it's only headed toward something hard and unforgiving in the end. I push myself up shakily, I ran a long ways for being so out of shape and I've got a good walk back, because I always go back.

I wince when the door creaks, we really need to put more oil on it, a door can only take so much abuse from Mello before it needs some care. It shuts just as noisily and I shake my hair out, sitting at the kitchen table, not bothering to make an effort to dry off, not like they'll notice.

Mello is out first and I don't look at him, I don't think I could stand to right now even though I know that he didn't have a _clue _how his little noises would hurt me. He doesn't notice me for a moment and that's salt on the wound, because it proves what I already knew, he's stopped seeing me.

"Matt..Matt…Mattie?" I can hear him but it's like there's a filter between us and I can't be bothered to reply.

"Matt. MATT. MAIL! Damnit answer me you cockslut!"

Well yeah, that does it. I turn to him, feeling numb though I know this moment's going to come back to me for _years. _

"I'm a cockslut? Really Mello? Who just got fucked to holy hell and back? Who's the leather-wearing whore in the room? Hmmm?" My voice is dead, even and cold and I feel entirely empty.

He looks at me like I've just beaten him and drown his favorite pet, "M-matt?"

Ah hell he's crying. I just turn away from him and stare blankly at the floor, ignoring him as he makes pitiful little noises behind me, I know this is going to destroy me when my emotions turn themselves back on, but for now it's okay, for now I can handle it.

Near comes out finally, and now I can feel, betrayal burns through me and before I can grasp it I've got him in my hands, shaking him hard, "You knew! You god-damn bitch! I fucking told you _this morning!_"

He pries my fingers off of him and looks between me and Mello who is crying, looking utterly confused, "I don't understand what Matt is ta-"

My hand connects with his cheek and he stumbles back in shock as I bring my arm back to hit him again, Mello's warm fingers circle my wrist, "No. Mail, look at me."

Near's cradling his cheek but it's not enough and I spit at him, "You knew so you went and _fucked _him so I wouldn't ever have a chance! Why? You've had all of him since we were kids, what about me? What about Matt? Am I supposed to be happy living in your shadow my whole life?"

He looks behind me and I know him and Mello are doing their thing, talking without me and I hang my head, because this must be it, they're going to force me to leave, send me away like everyone else.

Mello's voice is soft as he says my real name again and I finally turn to him, still looking at my feet. He touches my chin and I raise my eyes, guilt hitting me hard and fast when I see the glittering tears still caught on his lashes, I made this angel _cry._

"I'm sorry!" I don't give him a chance to say anything before apologies spill out of my mouth and he finally gives up trying to calm me down and just presses his hand over my lips.

"Matt, listen. It's not what you think, yeah Near and I fucked, but you know I've always had feelings for him, I needed to know Matt, before I chose, who was for me." He looks so sincere that I want to listen to the rest and I nod uncertainly.

"He…He told me what you said to him this morning, that you want me, that you love me, and I was confused, so I thought that maybe it would help if I slept with him, that maybe I would feel something that would let me know for sure who I wanted. The truth is, it only feels like I've had a good lay, there's nothing that makes me want him again." He bit his lip and his eyes pleaded with me, but I was still processing.

"That's a shitty thing to do Mel."

He nodded, " I know, but I didn't know how else…." He shrugs and smiles real sheepish at me before closing the distance between us and kissing me. I know what he means though and it lets me forgive him, even if I am just an experiment right now it feels right to me, freeing.

Vaguely I notice Near shuffling out, but Mello's so good with his tongue that there's really not enough of me focused anywhere else. He pulls away finally and smiles at me, I look at him afraid.

"That, right there Matt, that was what I was looking for with Near. _Feeling. _I wanted to feel something physically." He smiles and gently pulls me close again to kiss him and I melt this time, there's no resentment anymore.

"I love you." I whisper gently and he smiles against my lips, "I love you too."

Because stripes always have gone better with black.

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><p>Care to leave a review?<p>

XxHeartlessKissxX


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